Living into utopia

“Living into utopia” appeared in my artistic life in 2022 and has since become a kind of North Star for me. It began with the painting “The Word Surrender” and the story associated with it. The painting was created in the midst of exhaustion from months of night shifts in front of my laptop, during which I advanced my career by building an online store. I was driven by the urge to finally make it, to finally be successful, to finally prove to those around me that I was on the right path, to finally stop despairing inwardly at the excessive demands of life—to finally flourish.

I realized then that I couldn't achieve this through even more effort, because my strength was limited and my day only had a certain number of hours. Surrender—giving in, giving up the fight—was the theme. During this time, questions arose in me about how I wanted to live as a person, but above all as a woman, and how I could live at all. How could I achieve something in this world and within these structures and realize my potential without losing all serenity, slowness, and enjoyment of life and myself? It was a struggle between action and trust. Trust that I obviously didn't have. And I recognized my personal circumstances in an even bigger picture: Isn't everyone somehow struggling, pushing their own limits and losing themselves in a social system that seems to know and value only growth as a straight line?

But that wasn't the only circumstance that brought these questions to my mind. There are 13 years between the births of my children. I gave birth to my daughter when I was 27, and to my son when I was 40. When I was 45, I began to feel an increasingly loud desire within me to go out, do my own thing, give birth to my spiritual children, and become more effective as a woman in the world. I realized that the most important relationship in my life was the one with myself and with this endless flow of creative energy within me. I would have liked to have lived without any relationship for a while. I felt torn between being a mother to a small child and my immense desire for freedom. I hated the constant organization of everyday family life and all the things that weren't possible. I felt trapped. And I know that I am not the only woman who feels this way about motherhood. And quite a few men probably feel the same way. Despite the fact that I have a partner who shares everything fifty-fifty with me in an extremely fair way, I felt this way. Could it be because every family unit within its four walls, with its resources, tries to manage on its own?

And more and more questions arose. I wondered whether this was normal, whether it was natural. Why are families, with a few exceptions, constantly stressed? Why do I lose myself, my sensuality, my awareness, my serenity so much in the process? Why is it so often about financial resources and the question of how to manage everything? Where can I find the space to live my life to the fullest and give my best? When will I have the opportunity to feel myself again, to break these chains? How long is this going to continue?

And that wasn't all. Another issue came into focus, namely the question of how I wanted to shape my relationship life. For most of my life up to that point, I had been focused on the men I was in relationships with. Suddenly, my work in the world felt more important than my personal relationship with a man, my partner. Somehow, the balance shifted, and that was frightening for me and my partner. The focus on the nuclear family no longer made any particular sense to me. It seemed more like a socially constructed construct, which it is. I began to question whether the nuclear family is the constellation in which I, as a woman, but also we, as human beings, thrive best. In this questioning, I saw what I and probably many others were really missing: community – “the village,” a fluctuating field of mutual give and take beyond the boundaries of one's own family, women (and men) coming together and thus basking in their own energy, freedom from financial pressure and freedom from functioning as if natural rhythms of life such as the female cycle, caring for children, and the right to rest did not exist. This list is not exhaustive, and I bet you could add to it.

Just recently, I was sitting by the fire at a birthday party, chatting with some women. We got talking about the pictures in my calendar from last year, which they had seen in the hostess's kitchen. During this conversation, we felt we had identified the starting point for redesigning our societies: recognizing the female cycle. We have tampons, pads, menstrual cups, period underwear, painkillers, and a “we can do this” attitude. Outwardly, we simply carry on as normal during our periods. We are sold the idea that it is a worthwhile goal not to let our periods deter us from our goals and activities. But what does our body actually want, like a tree that sheds its leaves in autumn and cannot sprout green shoots? To rest, to die a little, to reinvent itself, and to start all over again in a few days. This is a physical and energetic effort that the female body makes every month. It is not a deficiency, it is a gift. It is a fact. It is a celebration of life and the integration of death. It is transformation. Even without giving birth to physical children, we give birth to ideas and visions every month with the power of our bleeding. Have you ever noticed how close you are to your intuition during your time of bleeding?

Now imagine if women took the space they needed during their periods. Imagine if they were even given that space. They could stay at home, listen to their intuition, employers would receive government support, and continued pay would be no problem. It would be socially accepted by women, men, and institutions. I feel a wave of relaxation wash over me as I write this. How do you feel about it? And could this be the key to a healthier society overall, because it's not just us women who need this peace and quiet, but also the feminine side of men? Could this be the cure?

In a society where women's periods were given this importance again, how do you think they would treat the nature of our even greater mother, with even greater cycles? Protectively? Appreciatively? Preservatively? Exactly. And if that were the case, who would go to war against whom? Exactly. No one. And there it is, the common thread in the truest sense of the word. When the feminine receives the appreciation it deserves, everything falls back into place. Because the feminine aspect is allowed to take its place in everyone and everything. Including in men, in the way we shape our social structures, in the way we treat our children, in the way families are cared for, in the way people and states interact with each other. Women's periods are political!

Now let's close the circle. “Living into utopia” is what I do by integrating these insights into my own personal life. I start by no longer simply accepting the current standard. I say, “No, I want it differently.” For me, for you, for us. That's how I begin to live into utopia. It starts with micro-decisions. Once again, I dare to speak honestly, to say no or yes. Once again, I refuse to remain silent. Once again, I rest despite all the hustle and bustle. No, I don't see the need to fit in more with expectations and a society that does not (yet) honor life in its depth. I pass it on, I live it. That's how I do it.

How can you do it, sister?